3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
