Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I don't deserve a penis
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
