The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
it glows. i had to have it.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be your penis for a week.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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