so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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