I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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