i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
