it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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