weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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