Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
