HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
