I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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