Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
