woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
