woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Dick very happy bro
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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