I want to make a zoo with you.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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