He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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