the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
