What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
