If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Quick, to the slutcave!
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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