Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
