Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
