don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
