DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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