I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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