Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
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