That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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