I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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