She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
