So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
