i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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