on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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