You just made me feel so damn special
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
