I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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