I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
