I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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