Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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