I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
