Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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