Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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