Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
