Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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