i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
