just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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