hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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