loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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