I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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