I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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