planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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