mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
