Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
