bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
