Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
