so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize