my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
