TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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