i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
