I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
