I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Four minutes until I can fart!
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
