Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
