are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
