At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize