it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize