remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
