The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
