Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She bit a glass in half.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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