If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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