why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
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