belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
