I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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