You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
