i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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