I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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