Swine flu is the new snow day.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize