It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
