Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It's blow job season.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
