I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
