I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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